I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
