i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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