I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
