She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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