If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
