are you still at the devil's house?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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