FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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