Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My vagina is very pro this idea
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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