What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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