She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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