The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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