She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
