O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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