I molested 6 butterflies tonight
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
