She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
