I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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