you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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