I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
