Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
