My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
