Me. At least after what I've been through.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
