This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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