what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
