I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize