i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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