mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
