If that was your dad, he is hot
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
