Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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