Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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