we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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