I must be too annoying 4 u.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
