nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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