ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
its liver damage thursday
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