You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
