There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
