Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
