i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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