I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
