I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
