my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
