So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
