i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
