Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I need moral support for this bender
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
