Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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