The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
