Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
40s are totally the cure
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
