My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
