he wants to bone in the snuggie
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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