she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
