I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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