remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
