we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
