Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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