the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I love you.
Bad choice
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