I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize