i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
