There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
