dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
