I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
