Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
did you just send me my own nude
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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