the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
