my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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