You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
