Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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