I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
