On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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