My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
