WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
