I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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