Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My vagina just clenched in fear
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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