Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
