the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
