You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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