Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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