dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
