I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
