apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My balls are so social today.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
