i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
