I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
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I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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