dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
