nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
