On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
