You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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